


Running Circles

by omnomeevee



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 05:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19457101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omnomeevee/pseuds/omnomeevee
Summary: Sometimes goodbye is easier to say then I love you.





	Running Circles

Lucas had never looked at a guy like that before, but something caught his attention and he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander.

Jungwoo would catch him staring as he did his warm ups on the track, conditioning before the school year started. Lucas would smile as he got called back to football practice. Lingering looks in the locker rooms as they changed. Jungwoo often found himself staring for a bit too long, but he didn’t care, because everyone stared at Wong Yukhei when they got the chance. He’d run with Jungwoo sometimes when he’d get here earlier, keeping pace with him well. Lucas couldn’t help but watch as Jungwoo warmed up, stretching everyday. He knew that sometimes his shorts were a bit too high up, but Jungwoo made it obvious he was flirting. A few words would be exchanged here and there, and they could feel their hearts flutter.

Quick hellos turned into after practice conversations. No longer just glances, but soft touches and lingering hugs. Soon, they’d lose themselves in the locker rooms, frantically pinned up against walls, hands running across each other, only to jump away when the doors would open. Flirtatious, shy laughs would erupt as Lucas would fix Jungwoo’s hair before he walked off. As if nothing had happened.

Jungwoo went to football games more often and Lucas went to a few of Woo’s cross-country meets. Lucas would often follow lightly on the sidelines, cheering Jungwoo on as he ran. They’d help each other with school work, only to get tangled up with one another later. Running out in the middle of the night to get dinner, going to the movies just to have an excuse to hold hands. Short texts turned into long phone calls. Before practice lunch turned into lunch dates on weekends. They’d stay up late into the night, stealing kisses, talking about whatever they could to fill the space between them.

“What do you want to be in the future?” Jungwoo asked, looking at a spaced out Yukhei.

“Comfortable.” He hummed back, tracing nonsense on Jungwoo’s bare shoulders. He nods. “Comfortable sounds good.”

“And what does that mean, exactly?”

He shrugs. “I never got that far.”

Jungwoo crawls up to meet Lucas’ face, and kisses him, softly at first, but a bit more as he kisses back. Lucas brushes back Jungwoo’s hair as he does so, cupping his face in his hands. When Jungwoo pulls away, Lucas hesitates, trying to keep the kiss lingering, just for a second longer. “What about me?” Jungwoo’s eyes dart across Lucas’ face, etching his features into his brain for what he hoped would be a lifetime. “Am I there at all?”

Lucas nods. He nods, even though his feelings scared him, not knowing what to do with them. He knew that when this dark haired boy looked at him, his heart skipped a beat before he could say a word, but it had never happened before. Jungwoo was scared too, as he lay his head back on Lucas’ chest, listening to a heartbeat he hoped had the same fast pace his did when they kissed.

Fear had controlled Jungwoo for a long time. At some point, he knew he needed to let his guard down, to accept himself as who he was. Lucas made it easy to let his walls down. Lucas still was run by fear. He never mentioned Jungwoo to anyone but a singular friend. He kept his head low when it came to personal relationships, always shifting friend groups and dating a few girls here and there to keep himself in good standing. He grew more and more anxious as time went on. Everyone watched his every move, no matter what he said or did, someone had something to say. He knew that this, whatever it was with Jungwoo, was no different. And it made him nervous to think what would happen. To either of them, if this were to come out.

Fear eventually got ahead of Yukhei.

He started to avoid Jungwoo in the halls, disappearing before he was seen. He’d show up at Jungwoo’s house later unexpected and they would talk like normal. Jungwoo ignored the feeling of distance between the two of them. Lucas left empty kisses on Jungwoo, which would linger on his skin for days after. Slow replies, no phone calls. Jungwoo still went to all of Lucas’s games, though now he’d sit quietly by himself, leaving before he knew the final score. He missed congratulating Lucas with a kiss back at the car, but it didn’t happen anymore. Lucas had stopped showing up to the meets, and Jungwoo had stopped trying as hard when someone would pass him. Jungwoo sat at home the nights Lucas didn’t show up, alone, thinking back on where he might have gone wrong.

_“I know it’s scary but, if we do it together, it might not be as bad.” Jungwoo said as he played with Lucas’ hair. Lucas looked up at him, his head resting on Jungwoo’s lap._

_“Woo, I can’t just risk it.”_

_“I’d risk it for you.” Jungwoo’s shoulders dropped as he said it, and his hands stopped running though Lucas’ hair._

_“I know you would but it’s not as easy for me.” Yukhei mumbled back._

_“What do you mean?” Jungwoo tenses his jaw as he speaks, feeling his heart drop to his stomach._

_“I just…” Lucas shakes his head. “I need time. This is a lot for me.” he shrugs. “I just didn't know that this would all happen when all of this started.”_

_“All of this?” Jungwoo snapped._

_“Me and you.” Yukhei snaps back._  
He didn’t remember the last time he had gone to bed without crying.

As fall turned into winter, they no longer went out in public together. The small adventures that Jungwoo had enjoyed so much stopped, only to be replaced with arguing and a few bruises here and there. Neither of them meant to push, neither of them meant to hurt each other. They were frustrated and they knew it was wrong, but sometimes the anger got the better of them. Jungwoo would try to shove Lucas, and Lucas would hold on to his wrists to stop him. Screaming and fighting in the same room they had spent many nights together, laughing. In the same room that Jungwoo had fallen in love. Sometimes the fighting led to them pinned up against each other, Lucas still holding Jungwoo’s wrists, only now held above Jungwoo’s head. Angry words passed back and forth through rough kisses and neck bites. Hands would make their way up shirts, tangled in hair and under shorts. Clothes trailed to the bed. The sheets never felt right after Lucas would go home. The marks on their skin sometimes couldn't be told apart from each other.

Lucas had stopped answering Jungwoo’s phone calls. Jungwoo had stopped trying to get ahold of him, knowing he’d be back at his doorstep at an odd hour. I need time. Lucas’ voice plays in Jungwoo’s head, as he gets up and throws on a hoodie to start walking. He knows the way to Lucas’ house like the back of his hand. He had forgotten that it was cold, but he didn’t care. He needed to go to him, he needed to be close to him.

Lucas sat on his bed, Xiaojun on the desk chair beside him. “Seriously, what are you going to do?”

“If I knew, Dejun, I wouldn’t be asking, would I?” Lucas looks down at the paper in his hands. An acceptance letter. Jungwoo makes his way up the sidewalk to the front door, looking into Lucas’ open curtains on the first floor. Jungwoo sighed seeing he was still awake.

“You have two options, make it official or leave.” Xiaojun looked at the paper, leaning his upper body on the bed. Lucas can feel his breath on his arm, but it doesn’t raise his hair up and give him goosebumps like Jungwoo did. Tired eyes look down at Xiaojun as Lucas moves to lift his face to him, pressing his lips against him hard. Jungwoo stops walking when he sees it, dropping his head and walking away as fast as he had gotten there. Xiaojun tenses but before he can pull away, Lucas does.

“Fuck.” Lucas breathes out, shutting his eyes. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He throws his head down into his hands as tears made small rivers on his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, I just..”

Xiaojun wipes his lips off. “Next time, just say something before you do that.” He spits out as He turns to Lucas. “Can I ask why you did it?”

“I just… Needed to see if it was there with you too.”

“Not the same, huh?” Lucas just shakes his head.

“I can’t do this.” Lucas mumbles, curling on his bed.

Jungwoo ignored Lucas’ texts as they came in the next few days. Frantic ones, saying no more than a few words. He didn’t want to answer, he didn’t want to hear his explanation. There was nothing that he could say that would make the situation better. The damage was already done. He jolted out of bed when the doorbell rang. When he opened the door, Yukhei stood there, and Jungwoo just stepped out of the house and closed the door behind him.

“What?” the words were under his breath, tired, uninterested.

“You’re gonna get cold.” Lucas said, shrugging into himself as he thought about it.

“Why are you here?”

Lucas’ heart dropped. “I..” He looks at Jungwoo again, memories flooding in that he quickly pushes out. He couldn’t. “I’m…” He spoke, slowly, trying to convince himself.

“With someone else? Right?” Jungwoo furrowed his eyebrows. He was tired of never getting answers out of him.

“What? No.”

“Don’t lie to me, lying is worse.”

“I’m not.”

“I saw you.” Jungwoo mumbles, tears pooling in his eyes.

“You what?”

“I saw you, okay? I was going to come see you and I looked in your window as I walked..” He paused, looking past Lucas. “And I saw you. I saw you kiss him.” Jungwoo starts to cry, when Lucas tried to touch his shoulder he smacks him away. “I didn’t think you’d do that.. Not after, not after everything.”

“Jungwoo, it’s not what you think…” Lucas tried to save himself, even just a little bit that he could. “I just, I can’t do this..” He shut his eyes, taking a slow breath. “I have to end it.” Lucas shoves his hands back in his pockets, looking down. He can’t bring himself to look at Jungwoo.

Jungwoo nods. “You know.. I was going to come out because of you.” Lucas looks up at this point. He felt like he was going to be sick. “I was going to be open and ready and now…” He shakes his head. “I know it’s hard to accept yourself, but I’m not an experiment. It’s not fair to be led on.”

“I didn’t lead you on..”

“Don’t go around and rip people’s hearts out by keeping them a secret, then.” Jungwoo holds himself back from putting his hand on Lucas’ chest. “And maybe don’t ignore them after you screw them, or show up to their houses and stay the night because you can’t sleep without them. I just thought.. I thought- I thought that you… that we…” Jungwoo’s breathing picks up as he starts to sob. “We weren’t even dating… and I...” He shakes his head, tears streaming down his face. “I love you, Yukhei.” He chokes out.

“It’s over, Jungwoo...” Lucas looks down, whispering just loud enough, mouth partly open. He flutters tears out of his eyes before he looks up. _I love you too._ He wants to say. _Never did I think I’d fall in love with you._ Jungwoo stood there, wiping his face off and sniffing. Lucas wanted to reach out and hug him, but instead he starts to walk away. He can feel the tears tugging at his eyes.

“Wait!” Jungwoo calls out to him. Lucas pauses, not turning around. He wanted to turn around and pretend none of this happened. Jungwoo stops behind him, now shivering from the cold, his arms crossed over him. “Did I… did I even mean anything to you?” Jungwoo felt the tension in his chest as he asked.

Lucas contemplated telling him the truth. “No.”


End file.
